Let's talk about children. Most of us have this -- let's face it, narcissistic -- need to procreate. And when we do, our lives go all topsy-turvy on us. We now understand sacrifice, tough love, and discipline in ways that were completely incomprehensible before baby. We have experienced how sleep-deprivation is a form of torture and how we never ever ever could have prepared ourselves for it before baby. And we still love these instruments of our undoing in a fundamental "of course" way.
Now let's talk about caffeine. If you are like me, you gave up caffeine for the length of time it took to fall pregnant (1.5yrs), be pregnant (37 weeks) and breastfeed (4.5 months and don't get down on me for this, I wanted to go longer). Previously, I had one to two cups of coffee in the morning only, and reveled in the clarity it brought me for my morning commute and early work day. When I gave it up, it wasn't too difficult (blinding headaches nonetheless) and I went on happily drinking decaffeinated teas, patting myself on the back and being grateful I didn't have to hunt down a cup o' joe on holidays and at other people's houses.
Unfortunately, after I stopped breastfeeding, that devil in me that says "go ahead, indulge, you are no longer directly feeding another being" perked up when I stopped breastfeeding. She was in a stupor from the sleepless nights and days and needed CAFFEINE and CHOCOLATE. I was helpless to resist. Especially when I discovered the Mocha Latte.
So once again I find myself a slave to caffeine. It's a love-hate relationship. Love the buzz. Hate the dependancy. Unless The Toddler learns to sleep through the night, I absolutely cannot contemplate life without caffeine. So can someone tell me: just how am I going to kick it the next time we want to conceive?
