Eyes Wide Open

quick catchup : we've had baby #2, she's 3.5 months old. Is primed to sleep through the night, and may in point of fact be doing so tonight.

So why the holy fuck am I awake? It's 12:30 AM.

I'll tell you why.

For 5 years now (The Toddler is now 4 years old) I've been posting on a forum with women I met on an infertility website. We "met" when we were all looking for others who had had a miscarriage or two and were still trying to conceive (TTC, in the lingo). Specifically, our little subgroup was TTC without the benefit of a blind faith in God. Or at least, the organized religion so creepily prevalent in the US and online in these infertility communities. You know the kind: "God had a reason for taking my baby" or "I have an angel in heaven".

We've all moved on to have at least one child per by now, and over the years have accumulated more miscarriages, a few siblings, and one deadbaby (baby who was born, lived about a week, and died). Let's just say that we're close in the way that only shared misfortune can accomplish.

Lately, the conversation on our forum has been peppered with political talk, as one would expect in an election year/era/epoch. One of our members is so in love with BO that she's been blinded to all else in that Cult of Personality way that I can imagine JFK brought out in his supporters back in the day. It's neat to see because she's not a US citizen (yet), but is so fired up about her candidate that she volunteers, standing out in the freezing weather to support him and exhort people to vote.

But, I misspoke. She only wants you to vote if you are a BO supporter. Otherwise, "just stay home". Oh, and if you're undecided, "just stay home". Don't mention HRC or you're likely to get some over the top bashing of the lady, with lashings of vitriol.

What's keeping me awake? Today this friend accused HRC of having "no morals/values". Having finally had enough of the anti-HRC comments, I asked her to refrain from the negativity. And got attacked for it. So now in true flashback to middle-school-just-been-bullied mode, I'm thinking of all sorts of things to say, points to make, and treatises to write on this subject. Interspersed with "go to sleep you stupid fuck, either you're going to be awake in 2 hours feeding a baby or you're wasting your first full night's sleep in 9 months." And yes, I'm counting the pregnancy get-up-to-pee-every-2-hours as broken sleep.