Lessons

So we all know that "kids grow up too fast" and that we should "enjoy them at each age". Someone will say that and everyone standing within conversational radius will nod sagely. Nevermind that I've almost never agreed with this -- it's at best an admonition that you are thinking too negatively about what's happening (Johnny biting his friend? Don't worry, enjoy it. He's just expressing his frustration.). At worst, it's a desire to keep them from learning new things, to forever chain them to your side and screw them up.

What I've learned lately, from having the Baby, is that "kids grow up" (except when they don't). "Of course they do," I hear you saying. "What the hell are you going on about now?"

Well. With the Preschooler, I didn't know that kids grow up. I knew that she would get bigger, I knew that she'd learn to read, I knew that she'd learn to press my buttons. But I didn't KNOW, that like a helium balloon adrift in the sky, she would continue inexorably on with or without my input. I felt more like she was ball on a slight incline, that I needed to constantly nudge uphill and keep from rolling back. Constant vigilance.

Then B. came along, and suddenly we were in the midst of reflux and food intolerances. When I let go of the crushing disappointment of not being able to breastfeed B., I had a freeing, calming, wonderful epiphany: This too shall pass. B will grow up. She'll learn to eat. Her gut will learn to tolerate food. She's on the path. I don't know any 20 year olds (who haven't had some traumatic injury) who don't use the toilet, feed themselves, know some social interaction strategies.

Think about it -- most of the people you deal with in your life are adults. They don't change much. They are what and who they are already; they're fairly predictable. If you're thinking about friends you've known since you were kids yourselves, you changed and grew along with them and so probably didn't notice the changes that were going on. Nothing really prepares us for the reality of kids. They're little cameleons. Trying things out, learning what's acceptable and what's not. They're change artists.

And so you can get seriously wrapped up in the minutiae of raising them. You're cruising along for a few weeks or months with a status quo, and suddenly the cameleon pops out a new color. Most often out in public, when you are totally unprepared. (Ever seen a parent staring at their child as if it has suddenly sprouted two heads? Yes, I said "it".) You spin your wheels for a few days: "What the fuck is going on? Something's different. Why is it happening?" Then it hits you. "Oh, we're wearing a new color. Shit." And "Wait! I liked the old color! It was predictable, dependable, cute." Finally, "Right. Time to find the complementary Parent color."

What was I talking about? Oh yeah. They grow up. If you don't like a color, just wait, stay consistent. A new one will come out soon enough.